New Member - Andrea Schwartz!

Hi, my name is Andrea Schwartz, I am 18 and the new author on the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota.

I was formally introduced by a guy friend I who was known to Daisy Elega, while I was picking trash out of my neighbor's dumpster. I live next to a chemical plant.
So there was Daisy, clad in a pair of low riding jeans and a dress, and me in a Rolex watch and nothing else, picking out mutated seagulls and the rest, you know, casual stuff.
So this guy friend of mine, (he's pretty cute, I think he's my son) comes up to me and says:
"Mom, I've found someone who can give you... decent food and shelter just for some of your crummy articles.. just do something. It's not the best I can do, but GODDAMNIT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME TO THIS AFTER THE CAR ACCIDENT PUT A PIPE IN YOUR HEAD?" He started crying tears of joy after his amazing discovery. He hasn't cried so many tears of joy since the time I accidentally dropped a vat of boiling newspaper soup on his chest. He was 3 at the time, and now he's 6. I love him dearly.
I went in for the hug, but he pushed me away, and ran screaming to my 13 year old husband. Delightfully proud in my son's selflessness, I turned grinning to Daisy.
I said "Hi, I'm Andrea!" I put my finger in my mouth and tickled my cheek. "Ooohh that feels delightfully dandy."
Daisy was a pretty girl, she had pigtails and a wonderful sunburn on her cheeks. It made her look like a choking pig pigtails.
"You're purty." she said, and lead me to her house.
It was a beeeeyeutiful sight. There were welfare checks everywhere, and the place reeked of mice dooo doo

Okay sorry, I went off track, the paragraph above was kind of what happens when I don't take my pills..

Anyway, I gladly welcome myself to the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota. I hope to enrich you on the life and times of Arnold Schwarzenegger, my daddy (I think, I have memories of him ditching me in a trash compacter)