The Accountant Trilogy 1

This is our tribute to our long and confusing “accountant” journey, from getting to the place where there are accountants, to finding the right accountant. It started when we first stumbled into the store labelled “Elegant Accountants” (would you expect us to go to a store with any less of a name?), and right in front of us, was a larger version of the picture of that that you see currently to the left of you. The moment we entered, one of our members said: “Hey, they have those things in those places you go to see if you need glasses or not!” and we all nodded in agreement, not being able to determine what they were really called. Optome-somethings, that’s what it is.

Anyways, we looked at it closer, and noticed that instead of random letters, there were numbers instead. I read out the numbers slowly: “three-one-four-one-five-nine-two-six-five-three-five-eight-nine-seven-nine-three-two-three-eight-four”, and each of our other members took turns reading it aloud as well, us all trying to figure out what the numbers meant, as they looked familiar, something that we had learned a long time ago in school. One of our members screamed “Maybe this is when the apocalypse will occur”, and another said “Wow, accountants are really smart, GO MATH!” Some of us nodded in agreement, but most of us knew that these numbers represented something else important; we just couldn’t put our nails on it.

Suddenly, one of the accountants came by. “Hi, my name is Mr. Chan, and I am one of the accountants here,” he said with a smile. Most of us were so dazed by the confusing math problem we had just faced, that we looked at him like, well...if I had a mirror maybe I could explain it. He continued on with a “What are you here for?” Again, we stared at him, as we had forgotten what we had come for. Of course, in this long moment of embarrassment, one of our members just couldn’t take it. In the mass of the crowd, someone blurted out a “Do those numbers over there on the eye doctor poster looky thing represent when the apocalypse will occur?”

And he just looked at us with a look of disbelief and disapproval, as if trying to control his rage, while we all stared at him, waiting for his answer. After counting ten-Mississippis, he finally muttered a very apathetic “yes”, then staring at us blankly, as if in a trance.

We, the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota, were all tired from this long hour, and most of us just gave the Mr. Chan the same trance-like look he gave to us. I, in the middle of this strange zombie-like staring contest, went “Oh! Oh! Oh! We’re here because we all need to find personal accountants because a few days ago, we learned how elegant math is and we need to find someone who is good at it!”

And he nodded with a look as if he had already expected one of us to say something along those lines. He whispered “Follow me”, so inaudible that those words had gotten through our mob only by the utilizing of the broken telephone. Finally, he turned around and walked, us stalking him, looking so confused, dazed, and tired that surely it seemed as if we were a mob of dogs stalking its prey.

Yet our journey is not over. Await the second part of this trilogy, when we are in the room of the accountants.