The Accountant Trilogy 2

This is continued from “Accountant Trilogy 1”, the sequel that explains what happens after we entered the room of the Accountants.

Us, the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota, after stalking Mr. Chan, found that he was talking us to the room of the Accountants, a.k.a. Room 105. I, Daisy Elega, actually made that name, the room of the Accountants, because it sounds more sinister, more interesting, and therefore more elegant than Room 105. I thought of that name because we were going to be in a room, and there was to be an accountant accompanying us. Looking at this mathematically, it’s actually a really simple concept:

Room + Accountant = “Room of the Accountants”

Then after entering the room, we were shocked to find that the setting was rather like a classroom. There were desks spread out evenly, so that we sat separated from all the other elegant “students”. All the desks were facing the front, were there was a chalkboard, and to the right lay the Mr. Chan’s desk, a desk that had a laptop on it, opened up and on.
It was an ordinary classroom, just like any other, but what shocked and really frightened us elegants of the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota was that there were face down sheets of paper on each desk, and beside the sheets, lay pencils and erasers. The environment in the room was very tense, and it felt as if at any moment, someone was going to scream “Test!!” and bolt out the of the room, with many others following along. Luckily, we managed to keep our elegant composures, and we calmly, well as calmly as we could, distributed ourselves and sat down, filling pretty much all of the seats.

It was a long five minutes, a long period of silence, while we were waiting for Mr. Chan to say “You may now start” along with trying to remember everything we learned in school about math. And then it came.

“Good afternoon, Elegant Ladies of North Dakota. I have brought you to room 105 to do a test, to see what type of accountants you need for your personal lives. You have one hour to complete this test and all the instructions are on it. Please use the scrap paper included to do all your scrap work…And now you may start! Good luck y’all.”

The hardest question in the multiple choice question was probably:
If 5 – 2 = 4, then 10 – 8 =?
The answer was 2, d), and I got that right!
For the word problems, they were all really hard, and I am proud that I managed to get two questions right. Ironically, the last question of the test, question 20, was
What symbol is represented by this approximate value: 3.1415926535897932384…
It was mockery, and it made me feel stupid! So I wrote down the only thing I knew about that number, that I was sure would give the accountant a chuckle.

The Accountant Trilogy 1

This is our tribute to our long and confusing “accountant” journey, from getting to the place where there are accountants, to finding the right accountant. It started when we first stumbled into the store labelled “Elegant Accountants” (would you expect us to go to a store with any less of a name?), and right in front of us, was a larger version of the picture of that that you see currently to the left of you. The moment we entered, one of our members said: “Hey, they have those things in those places you go to see if you need glasses or not!” and we all nodded in agreement, not being able to determine what they were really called. Optome-somethings, that’s what it is.

Anyways, we looked at it closer, and noticed that instead of random letters, there were numbers instead. I read out the numbers slowly: “three-one-four-one-five-nine-two-six-five-three-five-eight-nine-seven-nine-three-two-three-eight-four”, and each of our other members took turns reading it aloud as well, us all trying to figure out what the numbers meant, as they looked familiar, something that we had learned a long time ago in school. One of our members screamed “Maybe this is when the apocalypse will occur”, and another said “Wow, accountants are really smart, GO MATH!” Some of us nodded in agreement, but most of us knew that these numbers represented something else important; we just couldn’t put our nails on it.

Suddenly, one of the accountants came by. “Hi, my name is Mr. Chan, and I am one of the accountants here,” he said with a smile. Most of us were so dazed by the confusing math problem we had just faced, that we looked at him like, well...if I had a mirror maybe I could explain it. He continued on with a “What are you here for?” Again, we stared at him, as we had forgotten what we had come for. Of course, in this long moment of embarrassment, one of our members just couldn’t take it. In the mass of the crowd, someone blurted out a “Do those numbers over there on the eye doctor poster looky thing represent when the apocalypse will occur?”

And he just looked at us with a look of disbelief and disapproval, as if trying to control his rage, while we all stared at him, waiting for his answer. After counting ten-Mississippis, he finally muttered a very apathetic “yes”, then staring at us blankly, as if in a trance.

We, the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota, were all tired from this long hour, and most of us just gave the Mr. Chan the same trance-like look he gave to us. I, in the middle of this strange zombie-like staring contest, went “Oh! Oh! Oh! We’re here because we all need to find personal accountants because a few days ago, we learned how elegant math is and we need to find someone who is good at it!”

And he nodded with a look as if he had already expected one of us to say something along those lines. He whispered “Follow me”, so inaudible that those words had gotten through our mob only by the utilizing of the broken telephone. Finally, he turned around and walked, us stalking him, looking so confused, dazed, and tired that surely it seemed as if we were a mob of dogs stalking its prey.

Yet our journey is not over. Await the second part of this trilogy, when we are in the room of the accountants.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Dedication Day 2

We at the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota had attended the second day of the Arnold Schwarzenegger saga anniversary, which was hosted by me, Andrea Schwartz. Here is the continued summary of the Terminator series.
Terminator 3; aka Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)
If you liked seeing Arnold half naked in the previous movies, you will definitely like this one. In one particular scene where Arnold is sent back in time once again to save John Connor, you will have the opportunity to see his well developed hamstrings. For those who do not enjoy ham, strings, any vocabulary-based combination of the two, or do not know which of Arnold's army of over 50 billion muscle threads are them, the word "hamstring" can be synonymous with the term "ass".

Above: Arnold's happy/mad/elegant/horny/ecstatic/depressed/double horny face

In this scene, it was remarked by guests and members of the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota that Arnold's "ass" had its own muscles, to be specific, biceps. We, the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota feel the need to examine Arnold's "ass" and report to the muscle branch of our group, the Muscular Men of Manliness, of our findings. The official social examining event will occur this Thursday, 5:00 am at Daisy's divorced 16 year old son's house. Take notes, ladies. (i.e. note: Arnold's hamstring pairs have more crack than Tony Montana in Scarface)
More about the movie, it takes place several years after John Connor (about 5, he was 13 before but had the appearance of a 7 year old emo kid) Pic related:

Above: Emo toddler stealing my bike.

It turns out that John had been living under the radar for the past 10 (or he says, 4) years developing his character as a major loser. After a fem-bot/female terminator (liquid metal)zaps her way back in time to kill everyone John will command in the future, (and his future un-loserish wife), John learns that Judgement day was never ended even though an African American male died.
John must shut down Skynet once again in this intimate, tear jerking movie. On his side, he has him, Arnold (old version, no hastalavista), and a non believing woman who thinks that John has been sniffing Arnold's crack for too long.

And finally, the final finale (final finale final version)


Terminator 4; aka Terminator Salvation
If you liked the last 3 movies, or thought you understood the plot, you won't like this movie.
If you liked the last 3 movies, just because of Arnold, you won't like this movie.
If you liked the last 3 movies, and liked the Terminator series, but didn't care about anything except for the violence, then you will like this movie.
For some (DAISY) it seems that the Terminator plot was too difficult for their tiny minds and as a result do not understand the Terminator plot. To clear this up, let me say this:
- This movie takes place in 2018, the future cutscenes in the previous movie were 2029
- Kyle Reese gets sent back in 2029, which explains why he looks so pathetic at the moment.
- They don't kill Kyle Reese because he's pathetic and needs little black children to appease his appetite for sex companionship
- John Connor is not batman, despite his voice.

- Judgement day happened and everyone is dead, but they still have running raw material centers Above: John Connor watching the previous 3 movies and trying to make sense of the plot

Though that didn't clear anything up, I felt like saying that.
In this movie, John Connor is on his own and must find Kyle Reese, whom he has never met before. When Kyle is abducted and sent to a Skynet area to sit in a cell for no particular reason, John must save him, with his companion, Marcus who he meets somewhere along the way. If you liked the thought of terminator sperm and terminator babies, you will enjoy fantasizing about what goes on in the movie, as a half-terminator person and a human appear to have a relationship. Elegant? or scandalous?

I hope you enjoyed the Arnold Schwarzenegger tribute articles and the summaries. Perhaps you will have your own Arnold Tribute. Predator? True Lies? Regardless, this is Andrea Schwartz, sayi- GET DOWN

Trinity Surplex

So who am I? Well, a better question for one to ask would be who are you. You are readers who have faithfully stalked Madame Daisy and have started to follow my friend Andrea Schwartz. I consider myself to be a free-thinker. Someone who is not bound by trivial matters such as social standing, political reforms, or religious ideology. Hopefully, fellow readers will get to know me over the next few months and come to know what I think of. Therefore, I encourage readers to question what I say as I feel that nothing should be free of criticism.

Accountants

I know that all of you out there are anticipating the beautifully written action packed blog post to be posted by the oh-so elegant Lady Andrea Schwartz. I am very sorry to say that this is not the post you are anticipating. Rather, it is a post that talks about the importance of math. Now you may all wonder why math is important, especially to us Elegant Ladies, since all we care about is being elegant.
I'd like to, speaking for all the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota, say the math is very, very, very, very elegant and thus very important. It is in fact very annoying to be sitting in a restaurant with a few other Elegant Ladies for two hours deciding how to split a bill. So I decided that I would write a haiku poem dedicated to math and its magical powers.

Math is wonderful,
It is so fundamental,
So learn learn learn math!

And that is why us Elegant Ladies of North Dakota are going to find a personal accountant for each of ourselves, so we can carry the power of math with us. We recommend all of you to do the same, unless you are accountants!

Arnold Schwarzenegger Dedication Day 1

Today was August 2nd, 2009 and we, the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota had decided to dedicate our California's Governator's 62nd birthday by watching the movies of his most famous series: The Terminator.
Despite the fact that our Elegant Ladies had not done it on the specific day of Arnold's birthday (July 30th) we decided to have such an event regardless. Today was the finishing of the 1st day.
On this day, we had watched the first Terminator movie, and the Second Terminator movie, with their respective release dates:
Terminator 1; aka The Terminator (1984)
This movie was the introduction to the terminator series. For those who had not been following the Terminator novels or books, or who have not seen our boy Arnold's MUSCLES were treated to this movie. This movie, on the elegant side was a very nice introduction to the series, and was very elegant, particularly the love scene between Sarah Connor, and John Connor (Sarah Connor's son's best friend, who is also his father). This scene had breasts, but if you're looking to be turned on, we, the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota do not recommend this movie.

See: Giving Birth to your Son whose Father is His Best Friend who is from the Future

Terminator 2; aka Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
Less elegant, more muscles is the way to describe this movie. In this movie, we reach out to John Connor who is living with his foster parents (who appear not to be elegant). John Connor speaks of his mother's crack-pot-unelegantness and is chased by both the Arnold Schwarzenegger on a motor bike and a new character: The Liquid Terminator by a truck. Arnold does not take off his shirt until about the 40 minute mark, but fear not elegant ladies, Arnold in the movie is best friends with John Connor and his MUSCLES are seen more due to the generous screen time given to him. Arnold also makes love to his minigun, in a passionate 1 hour love scene.
The ending is a tragic one, and if you wish to preserve your Arnold-adoring experience and have not bared your eyes on this masterpiece, avoid the following spoilers:

Arnold dies




Above: Arnold on a bike. Note the serious face of seriousness. The only thing more attractive than an elegant lady of North Dakota like myself is a muscle filled sack of muscles with no soul



Tune in tomorrow when we conclude the second half of the Arnold experience, on August 3rd, 2009. See you on Judgement Day!

New Member - Andrea Schwartz!

Hi, my name is Andrea Schwartz, I am 18 and the new author on the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota.

I was formally introduced by a guy friend I who was known to Daisy Elega, while I was picking trash out of my neighbor's dumpster. I live next to a chemical plant.
So there was Daisy, clad in a pair of low riding jeans and a dress, and me in a Rolex watch and nothing else, picking out mutated seagulls and the rest, you know, casual stuff.
So this guy friend of mine, (he's pretty cute, I think he's my son) comes up to me and says:
"Mom, I've found someone who can give you... decent food and shelter just for some of your crummy articles.. just do something. It's not the best I can do, but GODDAMNIT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME TO THIS AFTER THE CAR ACCIDENT PUT A PIPE IN YOUR HEAD?" He started crying tears of joy after his amazing discovery. He hasn't cried so many tears of joy since the time I accidentally dropped a vat of boiling newspaper soup on his chest. He was 3 at the time, and now he's 6. I love him dearly.
I went in for the hug, but he pushed me away, and ran screaming to my 13 year old husband. Delightfully proud in my son's selflessness, I turned grinning to Daisy.
I said "Hi, I'm Andrea!" I put my finger in my mouth and tickled my cheek. "Ooohh that feels delightfully dandy."
Daisy was a pretty girl, she had pigtails and a wonderful sunburn on her cheeks. It made her look like a choking pig pigtails.
"You're purty." she said, and lead me to her house.
It was a beeeeyeutiful sight. There were welfare checks everywhere, and the place reeked of mice dooo doo

Okay sorry, I went off track, the paragraph above was kind of what happens when I don't take my pills..

Anyway, I gladly welcome myself to the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota. I hope to enrich you on the life and times of Arnold Schwarzenegger, my daddy (I think, I have memories of him ditching me in a trash compacter)

Baby Showers for Babies

I, on behalf of all the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota, apologize for the inconvenience we have inflicted to our dedicated fans. The fact is that there was a false-alarm pregnancy, in which one of our members was presumed to be "pregnant". It is not due to the medical tests, but rather because the spread of word that one of our members was getting an ultrasound automatically meant pregnancy. It turns out that ultrasound is not only for pregnant women. We all found that a shock and are deeply amazed. Anyways, I hope that you all are kind enough to accept this apology, and now I would like to go on about baby showers.

Baby showers are basically showers for babies. Except that it is before the baby is even born, because a baby might drown if given a shower unsupervised. And the next thing to note, is that the baby is not showered with water, like usual, but rather with gifts.

I would like to talk about the spring fashion trends for baby showers. This year, Arthur the TV Show is very in, a very popular show. One should gather with friends with a projector, some popcorn, and the highlight is to have an "Arthur" marathon.

For all the pregnant women out there, enjoy the Arthur!

PCG-TERMINATED

For those who are worried about Project Carrot Green, as there have not been reports on its growth for three days, you should be. We have decided to terminate this project. But rest assure, as there really should be no worries: the carrot was growing moldy, and we the decisive council decided that we needed change: the carrots are going to the grave. Stay tuned for the finale, when the carrots shrivel.

If you noticed in the picture above with the carrots, you would see the watermark of the image above. This is the official TERMINATED watermark for all projects that have been TERMINATED, in honour of the new Terminator movie, which we have yet to watch.

Project Carrot Green-Stage 3

For those who do not know what Project Carrot Green is, go here.

We hope that you are not too worried that we did not put stage 3 a day after stage 2, as there had seemed to be a pattern going on. You can now be assured that the carrot green is not dead. The reason that we did not record yesterday's growth in here was because we, after a long notorious judgement call, felt that there was not really a noticable difference (and we were worried we were going to run out of cards to represent our stage numbers).

So now, we present to you Stage 3! The carrot green has grown a couple more millimetres, and its sprout has gotten a little bit wider.

Project Carrot Green-Stage 2

For those who do not know what Project Carrot Green is, go here.

So now, after Stage 1 comes Stage 2, a day after we recorded Stage 1. Notice that the tradition still continues, with the card used as a representation of the stage (hopefully, the carrot top will grow fast enough that we won't run out of cards). It's hard to notice in this picture, but we, the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota, would have to say that the carrot green has grown by around a few millimetres.

Go to Stage 3! (added May 20, 2009)

Victoria Day!

For our fellow member ladies in Canada, we would like to show our welcome by celebrating Victoria Day with them. It is the celebration of the birthday of Queen Victoria, Canada's queen during Confederation in 1867. Here is the date written out in cards, as to accord with our societic traditions.

(The Date: May 18, 2009. FYI We just realized that the date is not in Canadian Date Formatting, which would be DD/MM/YYYY. This one is in MM/DD/YYYY. We're sorry about the inconvience.)

Please note that her birthday is actually on the 24th of May, but the holiday is "celebrated on the last Monday before or on 24 May" (Taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victoria_Day)
...And: Victoria Day is not celebrated in Quebec
Anyhow, for those who do celebrate it, enjoy the fireworks!

Project Carrot Green-Stage 1

If you do not know about Project Carrot Green, then go here. If you already do, then we would like to introduce you to the first stage. The carrot tops have been left in this pool of water and soil for a couple of days, and now one of them is sprouting. Ha Ha. (BTW, the Ace represents "1", as in Stage "1")

(Addition on May 18, 2009) Go see Stage 2!

Project Carrot Green

We, the Elegant Ladies of North Dakota, have decided that we want to celebrate nature. After all, we do love flowers. However, we feel that flowers that have to grow in an outdoor garden are to messy, since we would have to deal with weeds and pests. So instead, we're growing carrot greens!

(Newly added May 17, 2009)
Look at the first stage here.